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CIVIC RECONSTRUCTION
the dead nice israeli army has been helping with the peace process in palestine by blowing up apartments.
it's dead nice of them to help out in such a positive way when the whole deal is looking a bit shaky.
let's hope the naughty palestinians are grateful for this latest act of dead niceness.
AMERICAN TRANSLATION
this is to help the dead nice people who continue to support the american policy in the middle east of sticking up for their mates the israeli army, no matter what they do:
stop being such idiots and arrest ariel sharon for war crimes you numbskulls.
Israel blows up buildings
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FOUND IT
here's the thin blue line then, thanks to philip hughes.
francis kyle gallery
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POORMAN'S BICYCLE
francis kyle gallery
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NEW WORDS
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding or subtracting one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2003 winners:
1) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3) Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4) Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5) Cashtrat! ion (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9) Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10) Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12) Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13) Glibido: All talk and no action.
14) Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15) Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16) Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17) Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the LITERature:
18) Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD
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GOLF BALL PHILOSOPHY
A professor stood before his Philosophy 101 class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a jar of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar and of course the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous yes.
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and then proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the grains of sand.
"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children, your friends, your favorite passions.
"The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing.
"There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.
"I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for beer."
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